


stop pretending

by katiesaygo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Pre-Femslash, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29720718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katiesaygo/pseuds/katiesaygo
Summary: LUNA, 24–2 miles awayshe/theyinvestigating for an articlehave any of your tinder matches turned out to be vampires?let me know!
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Luna Lovegood
Comments: 9
Kudos: 26
Collections: femslash february music fest





	stop pretending

**Author's Note:**

> for day 20 of the femslash february music fest's prompt:  
>  _I don't believe in fairytales  
>  But I believe in you and me_  
> \- natalia kill's Wonderland  
> [come join!](https://elasticella.dreamwidth.org/38276.html)

When Ginny had goaded Hermione into making an account on tinder, her expectations of the app had been low, and in the subsequent weeks, they had only sunken further.

So, despite the oddly striking picture—someone squatting in front of a lake, soaking wet and holding an equally odd fish in her bare hands—when Hermione reads the profile that follows—

**LUNA** , 24  
–2 miles away  
she/they  
investigating for an article  
have any of your tinder matches turned out to be vampires?  
let me know!

—she feels no shame in swiping right purely for the chance to remark on its absurdity.

.

The next time she's bored enough to check the app, she has a few messages from Luna waiting for her.

**Luna:** _hi. have any of your tinder matches been vampires misleading you for a chance to drink your blood?_

**Luna:** _if youre just going to ask if you can 'smoke me out' please dont respond_

**Luna:** _im doing research for my article only_

**Hermione:** _You don't actually believe in vampires do you?_

After at least five minutes of typing—two paragraphs and linked articles and explanations of how ridiculous such a belief would be—Hermione lets out a deep breath and sends the final argument.

**Hermione:** _Besides that, you can't believe that they'd be using Tinder, of all things, if they honestly existed. Which they clearly don't, given all the evidence._

**Hermione:** _I do like the fish in your photo though._

She isn't sure what prompts her to bring it up, but she can't shake from her mind the contrasting image of Luna's bright toothy grin next to the wide-mouth gaping fish held up to her face.

**Luna:** _vampires are real_

**Luna:** _did you match with me just so you could tell me i'm wrong ?_

What follows is a succinct rebuttal of Hermione's message, including links to a website called The Radish and Luna's own works that have been published there previously.

**Luna:** _thanks its the offspring of the creature people believe is the loch ness monster_

**Luna:** _but is actually an amphibious alien_

**Luna:** _i released it after the photo obviously_

**Luna:** _to preserve the next generation_

Hermione begins typing immediately.

.

“Hey.”

Hermione startles so badly she almost knocks her latte—still nearly fully and growing cold—off the table.

“Ginny, god—I'm sorry, I didn't even notice you—“

“Enter the cafe, order my drink, and sit down right in front of you?” 

The smirk Ginny shoots her has Hermione's face warming, “Yes, _that_.”

“It's fine,” she shrugs, reaching across the small table to snag a corner of the glazed pound cake in front of Hermione as reparation. “Who're you texting? Someone cute?”

Hermione hesitates—her hands cradling her phone, stalled on their way from safely stowing the device out of her sight and out of her mind.

“You remember that person from tinder I was telling you about?”

Ginny nods, “Sure, Vampire Fish Luna?”

She considers correcting Ginny on the separation of Luna's beliefs on vampires and alien amphibians, but instead busies herself with taking a sip of her latte.

“Why don't you ask her out?”

Hermione almost chokes, her scoff meeting the latte in her throat disastrously, “What?”

“You've been talking for what—” Ginny thinks, “something like two months?”

“We've been...debating! Engaging in...conversation, yes, but—”

Yes, there have been side discussions—tangents, a breath of relief from their main topics.

Yes, Hermione has at this point learned almost as much about Luna personally as she had professionally, about their increasingly outlandish views of the world, but—

“But what, Hermione?” Ginny asks, interrupting her thoughts, “Engaging in conversation is—hello—talking! And tinder is a _dating_ app, remember?”

The logic in Ginny's words is hard to refute.

As in, when she tries—stating that technically Luna was on tinder under false pretenses, Ginny gives her such a dead-eyed glare that Hermione instead pulls her phone back out.

She types and retypes an invitation for coffee as Ginny watches on in obvious glee.

“What would you do without me?” she asks, claiming and dragging the rest of Hermione's pound cake to her side of the table.

Hermione laughs—both at Ginny's antics and Luna's reply as it comes through.

**Luna:** _would love that_

**Luna:** _as long as you promise that this wasnt a long con_

**Luna:** _and youre not actually a vampire luring me to my death_

**Luna:** _that would be an incredibly embarrassing way for me to go_

.

Luna's article, _'The Very Real Dangers of Batfishing'_ , goes live two months later and Hermione is the first to leave a comment. 

And if it's not as solid or in-depth as she'd like, well, the author is currently sprawled across her lap—staring up at Hermione with a knowing smile and providing an all-too inviting distraction.

**Author's Note:**

> edited to add the last section because i thought of 'batfishing' last night before bed jkfjnskdf


End file.
